I had a dream the other night where someone I know was there and they were smiling really big, and looked at me and said, You are who I want. You are who I want to be with right now.
And it made me feel so 'special'. My ego mind, or said another way, my machinery and strong suits, loved how that made me feel.
We like the idea of one special person because they make us feel special. That it is 'you' they want. This is the emotional addiction that many of us are addicted to. Feeling special. We want to feel special.
The ego mind wants to feel special, wants to feel needed. Wants to feel like it is some one special. Not just another person in the grand scheme of things.
This was a huge insight to me.
This explains so much human behavior that I couldn't understand before.
It also explains some of my behaviors in the past that I couldn't explain.
People want to feel special and the feeling of love is a really easy way they think they are special, or the person they are with is special. Or what makes them special to another person.
We often are addicted to that feeling of feeling special, because it feels good. This feeling special is also what a lot of people call love. But isn't really love. It is just a feeling. But calling it love justifies and rationalizes all the crap that often comes with it. People put up with a lot of shit in relationships in the name of love. What is really going on is the chemical addictions we have to our own chemical reactions are driving our behavior. And we rationalize it and justify it because we feel special, we feel in love.
Taking it deeper:
I know that special ness is also the cause of this continued illusion. The cause of wars, the cause of unhappiness, anger, and upset. Because special ness is separateness. And when you see yourself separate from other people, from other things, that is where the breakdown occurs.
People are drawn to finding the "one special person" because then it gives them a sense of completion. As if they belong again. As if they are part of something bigger than themselves.
And the funny part is this is exactly what we all want. To be part of the bigger oneness that we all are. To be part of God again. And so we try and do it through what seems like the only means we have - 'other people'. And finding special relationships that help us get a hint of what it is we ultimately want.
Now, relationships can be used to transfer the special ness of the relationship to the true special ness of the oneness of everyone. Of the true Self that we all are. But it must be done with conscious intent, otherwise, you are just reinforcing the separateness the ego mind likes to create to make itself special. |
